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Amanda Cizek's avatar

I understand these life changing moments all too well as I have been through several in the last few years: Husband with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, 91 year old mother who passed away last June, and my college roommate & forever bestie who died in early April after 10 years of cancer.

There are silver linings in all, believe it or not... Husband is doing far better than expected and it has brought a closeness and intimacy we never had before and It is beautiful. My mother visited me in my dreams last night and hugged me fully and with so much love & warmth, which was never her thing but it seems to be now. My mom knows I still need her.

Can't say there are any silver linings in losing my friend. That one is still raw and painful and terribly unfair. Yet I chat with her sweet mother from time to time, which is a gentle salve for us both.

And we move on... Husband and I are building a new home and have a river cruise up the Danube scheduled in September, so long as the world is not at war.

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Reader/Writer's avatar

Sending you and yours love, comfort, and peace, Amanda.

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Amanda Cizek's avatar

Thank you. The same to your friends.

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WolfLikeAmi3123's avatar

Amanda… sometimes, there are no words to be said. Grace, Grace, Grace upon you, and yours. 🥹👊🏽

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Anne Hopkins's avatar

Hope your river cruise is absolutely wonderful. And, how beautiful that your mother came to you in your dreams. Sometimes we all need our mothers again, if only for a moment.

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June Gayle Deaton's avatar

I occasionally dream about relatives who have passed. It always comforting to me!

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Amanda Cizek's avatar

I wish it was more often. My father has been gone 26 years and I haven’t felt his presence for a while. 😞

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Bridget Rossa's avatar

J.F., this writing struck me as particularly poignant. Do you allow readers to post your writings on FB? I am so respectful which is why I am asking permission but will be fine if you would prefer I didn't. BTW, I save your notes under J. F. Riordan Musings.

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J. F. Riordan's avatar

Thank you for asking. You’re welcome to.

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Marka Ormsby's avatar

Ha! So do I!

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Gina Burton's avatar

We have a similar situation with our dog sitter (we are away as I write). A dear friend of hers was just diagnosed with cancer and moved to palliative care. She has told me how much it means to her friend to have the pups visit and snuggle up in her bed. And she is taking comfort in Archie and Beau as she comes to terms with her imminent loss. Dogs are magical. She says they can sense something’s not right🙏🙏🙏

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J. F. Riordan's avatar

Dogs know things.

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June Gayle Deaton's avatar

So do cats!

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MoosesMom's avatar

I'm used to having to google the meaning of certain words, phrases and/or acronyms when I read To The Contrary, but to my delight, I had to find out about "hidey-hole" - meaning was inferred rather easily, but was delighted to find it is a real term! At my age, I take great delight in still being able to satisfy my curiosity and expand my vocabulary!

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Reader/Writer's avatar

Thinking of you, Jan and Charlie, your friends and family, and those adorable big boys, and sending you all warmth, love, and peace.

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CC Wechsler's avatar

I’m sorry about the struggles of your friends. Life can seem short, fragile, and unfair at times. Seize the day, indeed.

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Nancy Ulin's avatar

A beautiful post. You are so right.

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Sandy zell's avatar

I seem to be particularly emotional these days. Perhaps just the state of the world. Sitting on the couch with tears in my eyes. I will keep your friends in my prayers. I do always feel peace in your posts. The same peace I feel when I reread your books. Thank you for allowing us to be a small part of your life.

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J. F. Riordan's avatar

Thank you for the kind words.

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Diana P.'s avatar

My goodness … news of cancer then a death. Life. A rough day, but still shared with good friends and wonderful doggies. That’s what also makes life. 💕

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CapeJ's avatar

Here for the dogs (sorry, J.F.)

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J. F. Riordan's avatar

Who isn’t.

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CapeJ's avatar

😊

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Maggie Shontz's avatar

Every day, find the joy. We’re all here a very short time. Sending a hug for you JF.

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June Gayle Deaton's avatar

There is so much ugliness in the world. If everyone would practice being kind, there would be more joy! I’m thankful for moments of joy in my life!

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Jim Fitzgerald's avatar

Amen to that! Thank you :-)

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Jane Alexander's avatar

How cool about the wild mink.

Carpe Diem has always been my mantra. No regrets …well, maybe a few in the eighty years I have lived.

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J. F. Riordan's avatar

If you don’t have a few regrets you’re not doing it right.

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Jane Alexander's avatar

I have only regrets for a couple of things I did, not for anything I didn’t do. I lived life to the fullest.

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Peter  V's avatar

Your journal reminds me of MaryBeth's which she has written in every day now for about forty years. The similar observations of the passage of time through a single lens. We replaced the roof on our 230 year old farmhouse two years back. It was done by a simply remarkable crew from Ecuador that was profoundly efficient, They did the job in two affordable sessions that were about a month apart. Our finances are calculably mercurial and we often have to wait and see what we can indeed do. A place this old and large has a way of erupting with need at difficult moments.

Cancer, and our brief time on the stage are inevitably difficult. I would say that Cancer is not necessarily the death sentence it once was. MaryBeth has had three bouts now and come out OK in all of them to date, so, stay positive. When my grandfather died, I found him on the kitchen floor and carried him back to his bed where he woke violently punched me in the mouth and said "I'm not ready yet, and died. I was 16 and I carry that memory frequently as a reflection on what a short strange trip it is. I read once where a man would no longer have Great Danes (I've had two) as companions because their lifespans were so short and he could not bear to lose another. I feel that way sometimes about the Berner. She's such a joy and is our fourth in 30 years. We know we won't have more horses but there still may be time for one more big enthusiast about life that instinctively knows to stay clear of porcupines. Well, almost instinctively. Sometimes she has bad days.

Keep writing.

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Maggie Shontz's avatar

This is so beautiful. Thank you.

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Adrienne Auryansen's avatar

Everyday is precious- I know I forgot this at times.

Sending good thoughts to your friends.

☮️

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Heather E. Cole's avatar

This past Winter of Discontent has left me feeling very vulnerable, and it has become important to make a good soup, follow Friends with attention, ears and eyes open, and to praise all good dogs, over and over again. Seizing the Day.

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